I hide

There's nothing left to do but run. I thought that when I came back everything would be slightly ok, I mean I expected it to be bad but I never expected it to be this bad. I never felt so alone before,just another face in the crowd. Nothing compared to the feeling I got today. They were just there, I knew exactly what they were all thinking, but I just couldn't force myself to see it as it actually was, I put on a smile, but all I got was their blank stares. And surprisingly the one person that actually cared to talk and see if I was ok was the one person I shunned. I've never been so hurt and so betrayed before by the people that I thought would stick by me through it, I mean I expected it from a few but actually seeing it happen just broke me. It's been a while since I actually was near tears in class and today was the day, it was the shortest day but it felt like the longest, and all I wanted to do was go home and cry myself to sleep. But I knew that If I did that, all I would be doing was showing them how weak I really was, and how much they affect me, because that's the thing. They do affect me, whether they know it or not, each one of their thoughts matter to me, and that's what hurts, because no matter how much effort and care you put into relationships with people they never give you the same amount of effort and they always leave you when you need them. I guess that's what you realize at the end of high school, your friends aren't really your friends, it's too bad I realized it a lot earlier than I should've. So, who do I run to? When even your best friend deserts you... oh yeah, of course the guy who's supposed to make it all better right? The one who's supposed to be your other half, your shield, your armor. It's hard because even through the struggles and obstacles and hardships I have already faced for him and am still willing to if needed, he abandons me too.. It doesn't even matter who's fault it is, it's the fact that I needed him the most to be there for me at my time of need. When the people who I thought were my friends abandoned me, I expected him to uplift me. but he didn't. So what now? Where do I go from here? Nowhere. Because as of now, I am stuck in my own quicksand. And I am unwilling to get myself out. It's too much work and too much pain I would have to endure. So I hide.