How do i begin to express what I'm feeling right now? My feelings and emotions are all jumbled up into this dark LOCKED box, where I can't seem to find the key to fix this mess. It's so caged up that I can't even find the right words to express what I feel, I mean how I really feel. I'm mad, I'm hurt, but it's so much more than that, it doesn't begin to describe it.. But I can't seem to translate these emotions. Because I'm not sure why, I just know that I am feeling this and it won't go away and there is nothing that I can do to stop this. I can't cry, I can't scream and yell, because I don't know how to feel, I don't know how to correctly express what this is that is locked up inside me. I breathe heavily because my shoulders hold a heavy weight, I'm struggling, and I'm just confused. So the main question that I'm left with is, do I choose "friends" or him.

so what am I supposed to choose? Why am I supposed to choose? Why should I even choose? Because when it comes down to it, I always end up choosing him, it's just that.. he doesn't see to it that way. So do I just keep fighting for this and fighting for him and having them hate me even more even if he doesn't see it, at least I'm still trying my best right? Because that's how much I don't want to lose him, I can lose everyone else, not just him. Is that even right? I don't know anymore. I shouldn't have to ask myself this question, that's a line that never should have been crossed.

But that's what I'm left with because I really don't want to lose him, that's how much I think this will be worth it, I'm praying this is worth it, because I'm fighting for this, I've been fighting for this since the beginning..so this better be worth it.

"It's all about drama, love and relationships. and when the going gets tough you deal with it, you don't ever, you never walk away from it. You hold on, and be strong."